Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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