I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
