Someone shit on the floor
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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