i think i have two assholes
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
i think my cat just said my name.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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