sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
