so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
