someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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