i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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