if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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