so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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