i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
