remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
