If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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