That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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