i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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