How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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