The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
