Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
