opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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