I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
