Ambien. No doubt about it.
North Korea, Best Korea!
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
