So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
