Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
