I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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