Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
