Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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