big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
When did angry sex become our thing?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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