i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
