I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
