Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
