Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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