I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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