Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
