i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
