your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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