I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
