There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
