Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
