I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
