What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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