We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
