I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
