3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
