yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
