Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
