i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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