In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize