I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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