Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
