I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
