She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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