Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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