Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
