I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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