i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
