two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
