Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
