He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
