She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
