I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Please don't give away my fajitas
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
