we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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