Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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