If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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