You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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