I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Boobs are out for the taking
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
