this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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