Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
