I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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