ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
