Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize