if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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