What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
where am i from again
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
