you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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