I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
two words...techno handjob
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
We are all done wearing pants today
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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