I am puke
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
