i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
porn star boner night. come get it.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
