and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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