oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
