Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
