So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
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it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
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drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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