Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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