onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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