life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
