I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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